I was thinking about this last night, about people’s relationships with their parents and how we love our children. That incomparable love.
It all started with someone I know who has had multiple children. Apart from being very impressed I noticed something when I was speaking to her in the street one day. She stopped me to ask me something, a really basic piece of advice, how to turn the heat lower on her hob. It struck me because only a couple of weeks before she had told me that she’d had that same cooker at her old house where her and her husband had been living for years. She knew how to work it. I gave her my answer anyway and then her daughter emerged from her house, she asked the same question as if she had not been given the solution. I then remembered several times when she’d stopped to chat, she wanted to talk, to have someone be interested in what she was doing. She is not really an attention seeker just a completely lovely, unassuming gran, but on reflection I think she wanted to be noticed, kept company and loved.
This is why I think she had so many babies. When you love a baby it compares with nothing else I’ve ever experienced. When I lost my grand mother I realised just how much I had loved her, but it’s different from how I love Lo-Lo. Even when you get all lovie-dovie at the start of a relationship it all feels great and it feels strong, but it’s different. Not that I don’t love my hubby of course I do, but the baby thing is something else. When you hug them you feel like your heart is opening up and enveloping them in love, you’re consuming them and bringing them as close as possible to you to be safe and loved. Sounds weird right, but it’s just a totally different type of love to anything I’ve felt before. And at the start, they love you right back! You are their world. Especially at this age (9 months) when all she wants is mummy or daddy, where she can crawl to you and you know she’s crawling just to see you. She won’t be as happy being held by anyone else, she loves cuddles, she nuzzles into you if she’s feeling unsure and often only a hug from mummy or daddy will put things right. WOW! How do you compare anything else with that? How can you not want to keep that feeling forever? But of course it’s all for a very short period before they really start becoming their own person. I think that’s the devastating part for parent’s, that and the fact that no matter how much they love their parent’s, that love will never be reciprocated to the same degree as we love them. Why? Because I think we give them life, care for them when they are completely vulnerable, bring them up, help to mould them, we put so much of ourselves into them. Of course you get kids who appreciate and love their parent’s but it’s just all quite different.
So, why not have a lot of kids and get an endless supply of pure love? Is it harder to wean off once their gone? Or do the grand kids fill that void?