Day 329: Selfish?

In my run up back to work I’ve decided to hit the gym hard. I started at home with DVDs autumn of last year and this January we signed up to our local gym which has an ace creche. These last few weeks I’ve been trying to go about 5 times a week and do the tougher classes: Aerotone/Boxfit/20.20.20/Bootcamp/Power Pump. Coupled with a better diet (carbs during the day and a gentler meal for dinner, a bit of juicing, good eating and no drinking during the week/relaxed more at the weekends) you can see some big improvements. (In honesty I had one very good week, about 2 weeks off what with NYC and a few other ‘home situations’ and back on it again this week – so 2 weeks in total, ha! and we’re only on Wednesday, I am optimistic!. But having done it once it does give me confidence about doing it again.)

I only have 2 more weeks really before I go back to work so if ever there was a time to do it, now’s the time. Let’s be honest when I’m back at work there will be early starts, pick ups, late finishes and stuff to do during the weekends. My main problem is just my stomach. I have been trying to shift it but it’s still kind of hanging around. It gets smaller the smaller the rest of me gets which makes sense, but its just not really back to normal yet. I have been told not to worry! ‘It all shrinks back in time!’, but I’ve also spoken with a lot of people that this does not happen to. At the end of the day I prefer to be healthy and I enjoy exercise so why not have this added goal anyway?

So there I was in the car park going to my car when a neighbour sees me in gym kit with Lo-Lo. ‘Are you off to he gym AGAIN!?’ Honestly not sure what to do with that comment. It was evident to me that she was quite disapproving of the fact I was going to the gym. She herself a family woman, I’m not sure in her eyes I was giving enough of myself to Lo-Lo. After all more people would rather keep their child away from strangers, keep their young thing looked after and close to them… after all aren’t we better suited to looking after our own children? I think she looked at me as a selfish person and I can kind of see why. The thing is, now I’ve started a few settling in days with our childminder, I can see the difference leaving Lo-Lo at the creche has made to the way she reacts to being away from me/left with the childminder. She doesn’t mind. She’s more independent. She’s calmer around other people and other kids.

In short, my guilt for going to the gym and ‘abandoning’ Lo-Lo seems to be unfounded. Maybe if mum’s were encouraged to see the positive effects of leaving their child for an hour or so a few times a week with ‘other’ people, then we as mother’s would have less separation anxiety when we go back to work. The time we spend away from our children is also good for us! Maybe it is selfish after all… I want a happy child.

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