Day 367: A Blllurbbering Mess

So this time last week it was a Wednesday, it’s worth noting it was my 2nd day back at work. I should leave work at 4.30 to be able to pick up munchkin face from the childminder at a decent time… I’d never left work before 7pm in my previous life. After all the meetings are done my day STARTS at 4! Needless to say timings are tight at the end of the day. So there I was on Wednesday, last meeting and I leave at 6.10pm. My journey home takes about 1h 20mins and I’m home. I even caught a taxi from the tube to get there faster. I arrive at 7.30. She’s in bed but she is CRYING! I drop everything and go into her room… there she is, sobbing her heart out. She stops crying as soon as I walk through the door. I pick her up and hold her like my life depends upon it. She rests her head on my shoulder and hugs me back. There we are cheek to cheek and I start to sob my heart out. My daughter is very physical, active and noisy, she was still for 10 mins as I rocked her. Convinced she was a sleep, I put her down, I then saw that she was wide awake. She looked at me and started crying again. I still hadn’t recovered from my first sobbing attack and started welling up again. I held her. She reached out that little hand and touched my face and then gently touched my hair. It was a tender touch. She had missed her mum, she had missed me. I felt loved and so distressed, guilty, sad, all at the same time.

This is why going back to work is so hard and why even squeezing an hour in with them in the evening is so important. You work for the family but it doesn’t feel worth it if you can’t spend some time with that little person.

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