Motherhood is fraught, for me, with a lot of ‘should’s. I should have a tidy house most of the time, shouldn’t I? I should cook my kids 3 healthy meals a day. The hoovering and dishes should be done regularly enough that the house doesn’t look too grotty. Shouldn’t I love my kids all the time? My daughter should finish her meals. Shouldn’t she be reading by now? I should love breastfeeding. I should have a perfect career. I should be happy, shouldn’t I?
This is not a cry for help. I think there are a lot of pressures society puts on us and that we put on ourselves. Lazy people drive me crazy and ‘good enough’ is just a cop out because you can’t be arsed. But with ‘should’ comes a massive judgement. It carries a lot of weight. It’s striving for perfection in everything, all the time, but in some cases what you’re putting all that effort into and striving for perfection in – doesn’t mean anything. When you’re at home with the kids, you end up surrounding yourself with ‘should’s that are constantly in a state of flux, you end up chasing your tail all day long. Once the house is tidy, the kids will naturally want to play and duck it all up again.
Well. Duck it! I refuse to tidy 3 times a day (although I will clean at the end of the day). If my daughter doesn’t finish all her meals, all the time – I’m allowing myself the ‘OK’ not to stress about it. I’m choosing to change a few things in my last few months before I return to work. I will enjoy spending more time with them both. And by enjoying I mean interacting, playing, teaching, chilling.
When I’m dead, no one will give a shit if my floor was clean.